Positive thinking and the Posessed bracelets

Okay, interesting weekend, basicly my whole weekend revovlved around bracelet..buttt...dont be mistaken, these arent just any bracelets... these are the positivity bracelets... I dont really know what it means but I think they have like an energy to them beacause im feeling pretty positive about possibly (probably) heading to ANOTHER residential... Mcclean in Boston... which I was NOT happy about when my therapist (who i secretly get hate vibes from... i swear) told me I had to go about a week ago.... of course, kicking and screaming, i managed to get out of it, but theyre re-evaluating june 16th and its not looking good.... but yet, see, positivity... I swear these bracelets have some sort of power i was unaware of when i bought them....

feeling postitive? hmmm.... not like me... ah well, might as well enjoy it right?

-Sierra <3

My eating disorder is a stalker

I admit it, i have a stalker....well sort of...he's half girl, half boy, half my best friend, half total creeper who secretly is trying to kill me.... and he has three names.... can you guess who this mystery figure is?

Thats right, Ed, Ana, Mia.... whatever you like to call him, personally at this stage im going to call him Ed, becausee.... hes just been being a total creeper latley... like yesterday with my first purging session in awhile.... so very disappointing... i thought i was just falling back into anorexia rather than going back to BOTH eating disorders... urggg...oh ED... ur such a creep, I'm thinking I should get a restraining order in place.....


On a different note, today is going pretty well... actually ate almost what im supposed to... still not totally there but whatever, its an improvment as me and Ana have been pretty tight latley... Though it was kinda hard not eating anything at our cookout when i was trying not to restrict because nobody brought salad or veggie burgers so I, the sad little eating-disordered vegetarian just kinda sat around... the fact that there was nothing that wasnt once a cute little cow or pig for me to eat is rather alarming as my recovery-obsessed mother usually loads up on soy-sausages (gross by the way) hoping to get something down my throat... maybe shes finally given up on me... who knows?


-Sierra <3

Chilling like a..... bisexual?

Im happy... well thats a first buttt i have a reason! Meeting up with a friend later who doesnt think I'm insane for having a panic attack in home ec. class beacuse we were baking cookies.... yes, I've done that... aren't i just the picture of a normal teenager?

Ah well, excited as hell to be chillin with someone alot like me... yes shes bulimic, a self-harmer, and bisexual.... so far we have 3 things in common ha. So im happy to be seeing her again.

It was a very interesting day today... with the GI appointment, surgical procedure, and IV fluids.... man im wiped... so i guess ill just sit here and drink my tea and listen to some music... oh yeah, chillen like a... lets see cutter, anorexic, bisexual.... hell ill just settle for villian like normal people do haha... love to you all <3

-Sierra <3

Having treatment shoved down my throat (wait, literally?! )

Yup, I managed to snag myself yet another place at the hospital.. but gladly, this time its not an overnighter. GI appointment tommorow for an endoscopy, what is an endoscopy you might ask and why is this dumbas 14 yr old getting one? Well in short, they drug you up and stick a tube down your throat to make sure everything is just peachy down in your espophagus...HA! yep, im a hardcore bulimic, my throat is bound to be the picture of health, ah well... might as well enjoy the day, considering i get to spend it pretty much (legally :)) stoned and get to ditch a few classes :)

Ensure on the rocks

Hey, well my journey has been interesting lately.... im back from Renfrew Center for eating disorders in the lovley state of Philedelphia... Oh how I loved it there, weight gain, panic attacks, and many many tears. Well I went through the system, left on locked bathrooms, sharps restriction, behavioral bedrest.... needless to say, Renfrew, not exactly the right prgram for me haha. Though i have to say, I did meet some great friends there, talking, smoking, skipping group, yeah we were regular badasses... that is until it came down to the meals, pulling eachother out of the bathrooms, running around taking away sharp objects, picking the locks on the bathroom door, oh how desprete we eating disordered children get. If it wasnt me, it might even be comical, but as of now, I am out of the hospital and plopped right back where i was a month or two ago, back at school, back at home, back in therapy haha. I'm doing alright so far, not so much purging, but more reverting back to my anorexic and self-harming tendencys...arent i fucked up? lets see.... eating disordered, bisexual, self-injuring, vegetarian..... yup, thats me :). Well, right now, working on rocking this whole "recovery" thingie they keep talking about, and hey, maybe someday ill be the next Jenni Schafear... but for now.... I think ill just sip at my drink of choice...Ensure on the rocks.... yum, my favorite!

-Sierra <3