Thursday, July 29, 2010

"And here we have a type A Anorexic and troubled teen"

3 letters are describing how i feel right now, FAT.... and yes, ive heard it before, fat is not a feeling, well it sure feels like a feeling to me. Why? you may ask.. do I insist on complaining about how i feel overweight when i know im not?... Example A, after a few weeks of restriction and yes, some weight loss, i began eating again, and what would you know? I got my period back!... yes, its been 6 months, and now, my body is saying that its had enough of my bullshit and is gonna do what it is made to do. Ive also gotten some of my boobs back, which is also freaking me out, wohoo.. its like puberty is hiting all over again. I hate not being able to control my body.

Also on top of this, i had a doctors appointment today, unfourtunatley, my doctor who had been taking care of all my ED stuff, moved to kansas or somethinng, and the primary doctor died. So I had to deal with going through explaining my story to another doctor and a med student. I love how she made me alk about purging, restriction and cutting in front of some guy i dont know, telling him things about anorexia and bulimia as she talked to me. Like I'm some object on display, "Here we have ANOTHER middleclass white girl who has no self-esteem"... thanks doc. So I'm a bit peeved,  not even mentioning, my weight is still 106... which i have a HUGE problem with, im also anemic, hypoglycemic... and i still have orthostatic dehyradration, even "in recovery", im still a medical mess... lovely

-Sierra <3



3 comments:

  1. i hear you.

    i get that bullshit on a weekly basis

    i got told i had BPD the other day, cos i was so wound up that no service would ogger me any help-er, no actually im just pissed off at how crap services are!

    you have to learn to ignore the crap they talk, and listen to the real, helpful, stuff with meaning.you do learn to laugh it off eventually, it just takes a bloody long time!

    have a look at this blog-

    http://eatingdisorderfairy.blogspot.com

    might help you a little

    -trust me, i really do get how this feels.

    vics xx

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